I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
