stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
