There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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