i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
