i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
