i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize