better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
