i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
