Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
