is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
