I looked at my own cervix.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
