I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
