Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
