the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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