I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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