Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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