Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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