If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
