guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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