she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
