Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
