Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
