Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
