dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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