i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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