jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
