I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
