not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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