it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
