everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
