That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
