I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
