Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
