I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
