too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
