I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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