We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
