There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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