Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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