i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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