If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize