we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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