I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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