My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
