found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize