I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
