my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
