Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
