Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
