I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
