I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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