yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
