wakey wakey hands off snakey
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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