Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
