ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
