i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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