I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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