the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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