"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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