and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
