i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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