please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
