they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
