She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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