yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
