You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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