apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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