he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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