I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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