I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Bring me that man meat
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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