she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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