I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
