I just pynch a tree in the face
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
