i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize